Fulfilling kink experiences also promotes self-confidence, body consciousness, mutual respect and care with your partners. Safety and clear mutual consent are absolutely mandatory to be able to let go and experience intense emotions. Kinks and fantasies encompass a broad scope of themes and experiences which are described and explained on many websites (See “References good to read” at the end of the article). Instead, we are going to talk about the dynamics of kink relationships, and how to identify and define the kinks that you want to experience.
The dynamics of kink
A scene is the theme and context of a kink as defined and agreed upon by the participants. A scene is performed by two or more participants where, generally but not always as we will see further down, a dominant “does something” to someone submitting to it. Thus the common dynamic of Dom and Sub in kink practice. Some people like the dom role, others like the sub role, while others are “switch”, meaning they can assume either role. But there is also a broad spectrum of kinks that do not involve, or require a Dom-Sub dynamic. A common example is Cosplay kink where the participants dress up in character to do a scene. Domination and submission can be included in the scene if the character profiles lend themselves to a hierarchy, but it is not a foundation of Cosplay.
Let’s also kill the misconception that the dom is the boss who inflicts punishment to the sub. While that can be a scene, the prime responsibility of the dom is to bring satisfaction to the sub who seeks to be dominated in a scene. Not the macho doms who are using the subs to mainly satisfy themselves.
Turning a fantasy into a kink
It all starts in the brain, your biggest erotic organ. When you act upon a fantasy, a kink, it is your body in sync with your brain and it gets intense and satisfying. Translating your fantasies into real-life kinks brings you closer to yourself, your mind and body together.
Explore and discover what you think you like, and what you find that you actually like, or maybe dislike. Does your mind keep bringing up a specific feeling or a scene, or a concept? Being constrained maybe? Explore Shibari, the erotic art of Japanese rope bondage. Play a character? Cosplay, mentioned earlier. Being submissive or dominating? The most popular kink scenes.
Who should you do kinks with? First and foremost, the most important is trust in your kink partner(s). You will have a more intense experience with someone less experienced, but that you fully trust than with a highly skilled professional you just met for a scene. And it will get better and more intense next time as partners learn about each other’s bodies and minds.
Join a local group where you can watch scenes and learn from others. Always, always remember to never engage in a scene unless there is safety and clear mutual consent.